in the sun.

60 degree weather and very sunny in March.... that is how my day was yesterday. It was incredible! Today was really nice too and I hear it is supposed to be even nicer tomorrow. It really does seem like weather like this brings people together. For one, the vitamin D everyone is getting takes the sass and rush out of their step and allows them to enjoy their walk and  surroundings and see everyone else doing the same thing. Of course everyone is smiling now because smiles are contagious and simplicity is refreshing. I think it is a perfect way to unwind from a stressful class or day. Just go outside. Sit in the sun and have a picnic then read a nice book or even write. It's so simple and I love them for that. 

I think I'm just now starting to feel like I should in college... and i guess just life in general. I don't feel so trapped anymore and I'm seeing tons more possibilities. It's weird how i hold myself back and how stupid I feel that things were ever hard for me in the first place. When I just don't worry about what people think of me, life is so much more enjoyable.  ...... I don't mind if no one ever reads this and I don't think I'd mind if only one person read it and completely hated it. I'm just happy because it's mine and I am not trying to change it for anyone.  

Sometimes I wonder if I'm where I'm supposed to be. Well actually all the time I wonder that along with what I'm supposed to do. You know what? I think I could be happy with going through life not knowing and just being lead to wherever I'm supposed to be at that time. I think I could if I listened when I say, "I give my life to you, Lord." ... I just said that in my mind and then asked " So where am I supposed to be?" ... shoot. It's going to take a bit of time.  So I will live. I will REALLY live.  

- I feel weird signing my name here... so i think i'll put the first thing that comes to mind right.......now!             Yellow.  (--> the sun--> vitamin D-->another awesome day in store for tomorrow hopefully!) 

Thank you God for these days you give us. 

A Diary of Sorts

So why rainbows? Well I don't know, but isn't it a nice idea? I feel like in a list, it would be with carnivals, drive-ins, making animals out of clouds, flying kites, music, picnics, etc. ...simple, quaint, wonderful joys.

I sort of feel like now that I have a blog I have to use correct grammar. No more facebook, myspace, or texting talk. ... well hopefully. Ha, I have a feeling the ....'s are not going to go. Actually, maybe none of it will... it is basically my diary for all intents and purposes. I never use correct grammar in my diaries. Well I guess we'll see. :)

Don't soundtracks sum up our life at that time we made it? I think so. I just recently made a summer soundtrack for 2010! I'm so excited about it. I know it's early but summer is just so exciting. Oh!.. summer should be on that list too! Well anyways, I listened to it on my way back to college from home (I just had spring break). Now back to 8 weeks of school, uhgg! At least these last 8 weeks are going to be filled with more sunny days and warm weather! I can't wait to be driving my car (alone or with friends) with the windows down and listening to my CD. That's all I pictured. I also pictured the weather as looking more like the 1960's color effect you find on picnik. It would be nice to see the world like that a day or two. Maybe sunglasses have been made to do it! ... Or maybe I could invent them. I think those would be the ultimate sunglasses. I DO love God's natural creation above all though. There was this one time(last day of our junior year...or maybe after) I was driving with my best friend, Summer, and there was a big thunderstorm..except this was the BEST thunderstorm I have EVER experienced! I swear there had to be 3 rainbows, it was raining a little bit, the grass was so green, and the sun mixed with a little glaze gave the look that we were living in Candyland. I know how this sounds, but if you were there, I swear this would be one of the ways you would choose to describe it. No colors of our aesthetic nature looked like they naturally do and somehow there were 1000 more colors. It was beautiful taken to a daydream beauty. If you've ever read the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower," first of all you should, second, I truly felt infinite. Looking back and thinking about it, I still do.

My summer 2010 soundtrack:

1. Wild at Heart- Gloriana

2. Small Town- John Mellencamp

3. Come On Come Out- A Fine Frenzy

4. The Lost Get Found- Britt Nicole

5. Send Me On My Way- Rusted Root

6. There is s Light That Never Goes Out- The Smiths

7. Don't Dream It's Over- Crowded House

8. Bird of the Summer- A Fine Frenzy

9. I'm Only Me When I'm With You- Taylor Swift

10. Who Says- John Mayer

11. Us- Regina Spektor

12. Here In Your Arms- Hellogoodbye

13. Free Fallin- John Mayer

14. Blackbird- Sarah Mclachlan

15. Why Georgia- John Mayer

16. Don't Stop Believing- Journey

17. Bigger than my Body- John Mayer

18. Fast Car- Tracy Chapman

19. Dancing In The Moonlight- Toploader

20. Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap

.... i don't think these are in correct order though i tried to remember it. Making a soundtrack takes a lot of meticulous work... it has to flow just perfectly. :)

This whole CD represents freedom... or at least the idea of freedom. What I really want is to just feel infinite and free. I've put so many fences up and laid boundaries in my life that shouldn't be there but I'm really starting to remember what this feels like and that is what this soundtrack represents. I'm in a new relationship with God and I credit all of this to that and I look forward to the day when I can look back on this and say, " You had no idea." I really am happier but I know my purpose has yet to be discovered and my comfort comes and goes depending on the people I'm around. I guess on top of wanting to feel infinite and free I really want to be able to be who I am (and really know who I am) around everyone(not just select few) and be okay with that person. I want this so bad and I take back how I said that "I just want to feel infinite and free" because I know I must love and truly know who I am before this.

I know God has something great in store for my life and though it may be a struggle sometimes, I love being in a relationship with him. There are times when I feel completely wrecked in my faith but it leads to me learning so much more. All of it is love. God loves me and he loves you!

- Me

This is a diary of sorts